I’ve got triggers.
Triggers in places I never knew.
A smell, a touch, a taste
Can all send me reeling;
Lost in a memory.
Treading the dark waters
To keep my mind from going under,
A fight I nearly always lose.
Not many would understand.
Cigarette smoke and alcohol,
That vague perfume you’d find
In all those seedy bars
We used to frequent.
I find myself drawn to that
Faint fragrance & my pulse quickens.
A mental sketch of us crosses my vision.
You, with your hand sliding up my thigh,
Me, hoping the patronage of the bar didn’t see.
And then it fades.
My pulse slows, slows, slows,
... Stops.
Skips a beat.

Like it used to when your
Hand would wind its way,
Wrap itself around my neck.
My vision would blur,
Images would sway.
Relaxing your grip,
While my body burns
And the fire in my lungs is quenched.
My lips pressed to your skin;
The bitter, sweet, salty taste
Of sweat and lust on my tongue.
My pulse quickens again,
Faster, faster & faster,
Then sinks further into memory.
Drowning, gasping, grasping for reality.
You spoke in whispers so carelessly once
And the song in my mind
Swallows me down to the depths,
To the haze of smoke,
Where all I hear is the engine
As you drive away again.