Jul 2016
We are the generation that's finally woke up, took our head out of our ***** to realize we can't live off religion and tomorrow will be betters. Is god really even there anymore? I used to ask you this to fill the silence at three a.m. because my brain honestly would not stop thinking about the big questions on life after death. As a kid i never questioned what the church taught, it was only after i grew up i learned they taught me to hate myself. When i was baptised it wasn't in blessed water to purify me of my child like sins of stealing one too many cookies but to try to burn any evidence i would one day realize how one sided this talk with god is.
I use to pray everyday.....preached to people who i thought needed Jesus like it was some sort of game that whoever saved the most people wins. But no one told me begging for a sign that maybe it gets better is how one is suppose to see this all and holy love.
Waking up has become this impossible task of trying to go to some dreamland and yes others have it worse but I'm tired of that line always being used to justify that what i feel does not matter in any shape or form. While others may have it worse in no comparison should i complain but its like i have heaven and hell inside of me at war and its been like this for the last seventeen years. I found myself praying the other day because frankly i didn't want to die on the freeway in a black 1983 ranger simply because the carburetor died. I never finished the prayer and looking back now I'm wondering if that's because i realized in the matter of seconds it took me to pray i managed to survive one more thing with nothing less than an amen or a hallelujah.
I've bruised my knees so many times from sitting on tile til my legs were numb just to feel a sense of security that my spot in the afterlife was secured. I believed every ******* word my family said for years about god being everything. But right now talking to god i can only hear my own voice, and i cant tell if that means I'm suppose to save myself or if he's finally left me.
I don't think he can even hear me anymore from how loud the religious people are shouting holding their signs of hate to make the man upstairs so proud of them. Will they get a clap on the back and "job well-done" for every body they bury six feet deep without even pulling the trigger.
Wheres god when we needed him most,I'm tired of staring at an empty sink wondering why he hasn't stopped me yet, has he finally stopped believing I'm real just like i have with him?
What do you think it feels like to fly?i don't really have an answer because I've spent my highschool years with my head in the clouds high on whatever drug i could get my hands on because god wasn't enough to fill my cup so i found replacements.
One cup was filled with love so holy but somehow tainted I guess I let my blood ooze too much because it splashed in the cup and the love left. Never looking back, do you think that's how god felt when i finally realized like the tooth fairy i could never believe in his existence .....because my parents could never keep a straight face while talking about him.
And maybe one day even the bible will become mythology a simple story put into history to write off as fake.
I use to pray everyday.....preached to people who i thought needed Jesus like it was some sort of game that whoever saved the most people wins. But no one told me begging for a sign that maybe it gets better is how one is suppose to see this all and holy love.
Waking up has become this impossible task of trying to go to some dreamland and yes others have it worse but I'm tired of that line always being used to justify that what i feel does not matter in any shape or form. While others may have it worse in no comparison should i complain but its like i have heaven and hell inside of me at war and its been like this for the last seventeen years. I found myself praying the other day because frankly i didn't want to die on the freeway in a black 1983 ranger simply because the carburetor died. I never finished the prayer and looking back now I'm wondering if that's because i realized in the matter of seconds it took me to pray i managed to survive one more thing with nothing less than an amen or a hallelujah.
I've bruised my knees so many times from sitting on tile til my legs were numb just to feel a sense of security that my spot in the afterlife was secured. I believed every ******* word my family said for years about god being everything. But right now talking to god i can only hear my own voice, and i cant tell if that means I'm suppose to save myself or if he's finally left me.
I don't think he can even hear me anymore from how loud the religious people are shouting holding their signs of hate to make the man upstairs so proud of them. Will they get a clap on the back and "job well-done" for every body they bury six feet deep without even pulling the trigger.
Wheres god when we needed him most,I'm tired of staring at an empty sink wondering why he hasn't stopped me yet, has he finally stopped believing I'm real just like i have with him?
What do you think it feels like to fly?i don't really have an answer because I've spent my highschool years with my head in the clouds high on whatever drug i could get my hands on because god wasn't enough to fill my cup so i found replacements.
One cup was filled with love so holy but somehow tainted I guess I let my blood ooze too much because it splashed in the cup and the love left. Never looking back, do you think that's how god felt when i finally realized like the tooth fairy i could never believe in his existence .....because my parents could never keep a straight face while talking about him.
And maybe one day even the bible will become mythology a simple story put into history to write off as fake.
