god, do i hate myself.
sometimes it depends-
on a certain time of day
where i'm at
who i'm with
but no matter the circumstances,
i always manage to be a ***** up.
i hate the fact that i can't be in large crowds
without suffocating;
i hate that i can't hold eye contact for very long
without feeling a sense of looming fear;
i hate that i eat as much as i do;
i hate that i can't function as a normal
human being.
i hate that i hate myself.
i see 'body positivity'
and 'loving yourself'
promoted everywhere
but i can never seem to have that.
i'm sick and tired
of being sick and tired;
but it's something i'm living with and cannot get rid of.

so here's to self loathing.