My comfort zone is anything but comfortable
Anxieties rule both the here and there
Whether I try
Or whether I don’t
It all leads to the same
Nothing is all I ever have to show

I can keep myself hostage
I can set myself free
I am a prisoner either way
For all attempts fail me
As does the lack thereof
Leaving me to wonder…
Why the **** am I here at all?

If life is meant to be more than this
Then why the hell am I still stuck here
With every effort leaving me further behind
And no effort at all bringing me nowhere still
As best laid plans and good intentions
Crumble to nothing more than dust either way?

It is said that idle hands are the Devil’s playground
But it is the mind in which demons reside
And when so much time and energy has been spent
For so many years
In so many ways
It is not my hands that bring destruction
But my thoughts that torment my soul
For not only do I lack the energy to continue to try
I lack the energy to fight my mind
Which is anything but idle
And I have far too much time alone
Sitting here wishing things were different
Failing to do anything because I am tired
Tired of constantly failing
Collecting dust
Failing to fail
But failing, regardless

It is also said that the heart wants what the heart wants
But the translation of such resides within the mind
And if dreams and wishes come from the mind
As do the doubts and fears that work against them
Is it but worry of failure that plagues me
Or experience in failure that deems it so?

I have tried for so long to change my circumstances
Pursuing my dreams
Fighting against all odds
Only to find myself at odds with my self
As everything I have tried
And every way I have gone about doing so
Has failed me
Time and time again

All I have done is waste my time trying
And the only thing worse than that
Is the time I waste by not trying

The saying goes
You’re ****** if you do
And you’re ****** if you don’t
For me, this saying is all too true
Be it something or nothing
I’m ****** if I do