Everyone thinks I'm happy
Thinks I'm always smiling
But I'm not
I frown
A lot
People don't get it
I don't think I have the ability to be happy
Without someone there
Someone to smile for
Someone to make me laugh
Someone to talk to
I feel sad
Most of the time
The saddest thoughts
Are thought
When I'm alone
When I have no one to smile for
No one to make me laugh
No one to talk to
I'm sad
When I'm not near people
I'm sad
I don't even know
Why
I try to be happy
Try to have the capacity
The ability
The motivation
To be happy on my own
But I can't
The smile feels fake
The laugh sounds pained
And I can't tell anyone about it
If I do
They'll see me differently
Like some...thing
They need to tiptoe around
Frightened
That the wrong thing will send me to tears
To be honest
That happens
I cry
Cry for no reason
Cry where no one is looking
Cry whilst hiding behind a computer screen
None of you know me
None of you could
None of you can look me in the eyes
You can't look me in my red tear worn eyes
With your post sob story pity ridden eyes
Eyes that make the pain worse
Eyes that bring me more tears
Eyes that I just can't stand
It's not that I'm not happy when I'm alone
It's that I can't be happy when I'm alone
Not only that
I take time to be able to smile again
If I spend too much time alone
Unhappy
Not smiling
I take a while
To smile for someone again
To laugh without it sounding pained
To talk without seeming depressed
I wish so desperately to be happy
Without anyone there
Be happy when I'm on my own
But I can't be happy when I'm alone