I think I'm losing it again
Fatherless scorn as I ****** myself into the night
When can I see you again?
Half bleeding in the shadows as I hide my smoke in my coat
Aren't you cold?
Midnight sparrows startled as I throw rocks at what they've torn down
Every inch of my childhood ripped from my being
Soul on fire as I realize I'll never get these memories back
And there are parts of me even I don't understand
Like why I allow myself to soak up the moonlight when I should be asleep
And you always said I inhale too many false heartbreaks in a wish to feel something
Letting myself get lost in the wooded flesh of others like I'll find something holy
But there's nothing for me here
Just a faraway feeling of home
You've changed my mindset of what it means to feel safe
No longer a bed and kin
But a boy who's limbs cover me like thorns
Scratching at my skin to remind me that he's no ghost
And I'm no psychic
We know not what we do
Letting ourselves get so close when we know that when morning light stains us I'll be gone
Among clouds of Amber in a half chambered attempt at loving someone besides you
And I shouldn't feel like this
Gilded to you like gold to porcelain
I wonder if passers by can sense your wonderment
Your disposition to think of wrongdoings as a gift
But I know they can't
And it makes me question whether or not it's even there
Or if I'm just imagining it like you're a bible verse I keep repeating
A spell I cast every night to convince myself I'm alive
And that my love is valid
But it's not magic or sorcery
It's how I was meant to feel every time before when I kissed death with a hollow promise
There's a lot to say about a girl who can love in the daytime
Summer skin tanned from humid lemon beams
But I love you at sunrise
When you're still asleep and I peek from behind blankets hoping I won't be caught
And I love you at dusk
With ash and leathered thighs as music pours through speakers
Your voice is honey to me
And I've never had a sweet tooth until I heard you sing
But most importantly I love you in the witching hour
As we wander through cemeteries and you point out forgotten psyches
Doomed to rot alone
I hope I get to hold your hand forever
I hope I never lose you