I never used to understand those heartspun melodies lovers would sing
but now every word is a map to a memory I have of you
winding roads of stars in my veins
highways of constellations
and they all lead back to that night
eyes lit by the flame of your cigarette
lights twinkling below us like an ocean of fireflies
and I can remember staring at your hands
pale and cold under that harsh moonlight
wishing you’d hold me closer to you
but I reminded myself that for many, feelings take time to grow
and most people don’t fall in love overnight
but I fell hard
and I’ve said it before
but I’ll say it again
your love surrounds me like darkness
like a tide always in
but in that evening it wasn’t love
and it wasn’t friendship
it was a strange middle ground I had arrived at the second I stepped off that platform
and when the sun rose the lightbeams reflected off your skin like that was their only purpose
you could give me directions to your lips and I’d still get lost
eyes hooked on the sharp features of your face
beautiful and stern like a storm
and your words were rain
showering me
and when you left I dipped my feet in the puddles they left
wondering if you really meant them
I cling to you like wet clothes
hugging every inch of you
blind to the notion that you might want your space
I’ve always been the one who doesn’t answer cries of heartache
murmuring to roses as I walk
conspiring that I might be made of petals and not of flesh
and that is why I didn’t love him
wouldn’t love him
couldn’t love him
but that static dream of a wildflower heart was ripped from me the second you bared your teeth
sat in the dirt like freshly planted seeds
you were like midnight during the day
a calm breeze encompassing me
bribing me to rip out my secrets in front of everyone
he told me you couldn’t fill the hole I’d dug so deeply in my heart in hopes you’d fall in
that you were fire
flames licking at anyone who got too close
but if you roll up these sleeves of mine you’ll find burn marks covering every inch
because I’ve never been one to learn a lesson that there’s such a thing as too much heat
I’ve lusted after boys with coins where their eyes should be
sunrises spent kicking myself for staying awake through the night in hopes they’d call
but none of that makes any sense now
it’s as if I didn’t even know what true yearning was
and my mother always said it’d do me well to experience heartbreak
but up until now any boy who called me his would do me no wrong by cutting his ties
in fact I’d probably thank him
as he’d give me the gift of that first night of freedom after days trapped in his heart
wandering the dust filled chambers like a labyrinth
coughing on the smoke that seemed to pump through ther veins instead of blood
I’ve always been good at saying a lot without meaning it
lies sweet like honeycomb that I feed my lovers instead of truth
and you know this
as you’ve read the novels of my sorrows many nights
and even if I think I’m electric I’ll still find myself standing too close to the edge
driving too fast
drinking too much
but I’ve got to let you know one thing
and that’s although my eyes may dart everywhere but on yours
and I throw words like knives at your chest sometimes
you’re the purest thing I’ve found
and there’s no one else I’d rather spiral out of control with than you