self-deprecating thoughts have not plagued me for some time now
but i feel them creeping up on me like spiders in the night
like crying in front of you for the first time in ages and not being able to stop
like really crying, the tears burning as they rolled down my cheeks
and I couldn't tell you why and you just looked at me puzzled
like the realization that I didn't want you on top of me and you slowly retreating
and i couldn't tell you why and i just looked at you puzzled

I don't deserve you or your kindness or your kisses
You don't deserve my sharp passive aggressive remarks or reminders
You deserve a second of breath and I don't deserve the seconds you give to me