A surging of a pile of wired and tangled like strips of DNA
Pushing and pulling, whipping and snapping
Rushing towards one another like silent mice
Or ravenous blood lusting lions
Held up like trinkets on a tray--
The feelings that I feel but can never tangibly see
Tangled and rising up inside of me.

I didn't cry last night
I'm at a point now where my eyes will well with tears
Face will contort
But nothing
And I mean, nothing
Trickles or releases itself out of me.

A dry well in the Sahara desert
But all that water rises with the tides
But I can't seem to find peace with
It makes me wonder when will I cry again?
Please don't let it hurt.

Little brothers such a good man
Best friends mother told me he's the kinda man
I gotta find
She's so right.
I don't know why it is
That I have been so drawn to the confusing darkness
Of ego, deceit, abandonment
But I walk around the city
No goggles on
I get back in touch with the little girl
Who fantasized
But was so entranced with paint brushes, canvases
Barbie videos
And never needed
Waited
Existed and lived a sweet but filled with lessons to learn
Just content
With what felt good, joyous, and right
She's still so deeply within me
And I miss her.

I'm so ******* tired.