We document our innermost feelings
A photo captured there
Filtered to look like our feelings
Music swells and hums in my ears
I felt the desire, the need to just type and say
"I'm so sorry Zak."

But I didn't do it.
My phone got soaked
Went too far on the bus
Like the elements of the universe
Cried it all away
Washed away all our sins
So that I could be strong once again.

Getting caught up in some heavy difficult ****
Ain't no child's play no more
I wonder sometimes if my friends really even respect me
Or if I'm just some stupid ******* blonde joke
And I'm not even all that pretty.

And sometimes
In the pit of my mind
I'll think
I'm really not all that beautiful
I'm just brave.

And sometimes that makes me really sad.

Its funny how
Every moment, word exchanged
I load them into my vault
Save them for later
Its all material
My God, its all material
And theres something about the word
Director
That feels and tastes so ******* good
In my hearts of hearts
That I've been searching and longing for
And I remember sushi
And a long summer dress
Straight blonde hair
Working out more, eating more
And having moments of horror
"I guess I'm just a business woman now?!"
I would stutter, a glass of whiskey in my hand
My fairy best friend dropping gem like words
Along the way.

That girl has evolved
And continues to evolve
And I comfort myself knowing and trusting
I don't have to give anything up
The road just becomes
Clearer.

So I didn't text you.
I stayed in my rain soaked clothes
And trusted they would dry
In time.