I have this weird addiction,
I promised myself that smoking would be,
The last thing I can see myself doing,
It's something so filthy and just down right disgusting.

But when I started working,
I was alone, I had nothing to go to,
And I keep hearing my friends tell me,
That smoking helps you tune out the edge of stress in your life.
That smoking wakes you up especially at night,
So working from 10pm- 7am at a hotel with no one to talk to,
Becomes more bearable.

So I tried it,
It was true, I wasn't so miserable,
I wasn't so cranky,
I wasn't too edgy and anxious about everything,
So it became a habit,
Plus it keeps my eyes open,
On nights that everything is just so dead.

I told myself that I don't want to love again,
After she left the way she did,
Well I just was so just tired of it.
Excuses.
Reasons,
Whys,
Hows,
Ifs,
Buts,
Etc.

Then I met you,
And by God you are the most wonderful human being on this planet,
As if every pain, every problem,
Every moment I had that caused me to bleed,
Was just shoved into a corner,
All I see are rainbows and butterflies,
Nothing but you and me on it.

I always catch myself red handed,
Making promises to myself I can't keep,
But knowing that I still get better sleep,
Because I know the moment I open my eyes,
As I light a cigarette,
And drink my morning coffee,
There would be a short message on my phone,
From you to me.

But days have passed,
The "magic" as people call it,
Doesn't really last,
I wanted to quit smoking so bad,
As much as I wanted to quit being too dependent on you.

All I have for cold mornings are cigarettes and coffee,
Not the sight of you laying on my bed,
As I kiss you good morning,
Then pack my things and get ready to go to work,
Nor the sight of you laying in my bed,
Every time I get home,
And tap you on your shoulders,
To surprise you with three simple words,
"I got food."

I may never quit smoking,
I just might not,
The same way I can never quit thinking of you,
How things could've turned out.
If I did that,
Instead of this,
If I said that,
Instead of the other,
I may never know,
I need a cigarette,
I'm just feeling so low.