my brain has felt foggy for quite a long time
it seems only drugs can clear it away
and happiness and love are able to find their way through

the hardest thing to ever accept is that this is how I am
when did I become such a sad girl
when I used to be the one who was always smiling

when did I become so afraid of being alone
and when did I love sleeping in my bed laying in my tears
rather than being outside and enjoying the Earth
my heart is heavy today
and it is hard to find the will to move my legs up from my bed
and to walk across the street

the only thing that can give me life is people
but at the same time I feel the constant desire to be alone in my thoughts

when will this constant battle end
when I am dead?
it frightens me
to think all the pain goes away when I am no longer living
but it also comforts me

everything will be okay soon
I know that
but today
half of the day inside alone
has felt like it has aged me four years
and I'll look at my face in the mirror
and see more lines
from stress
and sadness

thank goodness pain isn't reflected on the outside
for I wouldn't be a pretty sight