I guess its the end of an era
And I'm just so tired
It would have been great
For today to have been a good day.

Distracted by the ringing buzzing device in my hand
You tried every which way to get my attention
"To put a stop to this"
My girlfriends and I laughed at you.

A middle man
The worst of all
What does it matter
I'm so tired
I'm so just done from it all
Bloodied lip, broken hymns
You once supported me with such love
Don't you dare claim
That you have respected me.

Grossly inappropriate you wrote
I bet you had to dream that one up
And I seem to keep getting criticized
By a million eyes
Yet you don't see that I'm doing such good
You clearly don't see the positive influence I have had
Dark place
The women who have torn me down
The men who have left me
You said
As if a throw away remark.

****** up
Its all just so ****** up
And I'm nervous to stay in my house alone
Because what happens when my other room mate comes home
Things were supposed to be better
Happier
But I feel myself lowly dissolving
Dying into ash
And I know I have to light myself on fire
In order to resurrect.

I'm not sure
I asked myself today
What will bring me happiness today
I don't know
I work all the time
I'm tired all the time
I'm lucky
And I've been looking in mirrors lately
And thinking I'm not special
I'm not pretty
And everything around rains down.

And it occurred to me
In my kitchen
For a moment
I realized and remember
I felt it and I brushed it off
We love each other still
And I have just
Absolutely nothing to give.

I asked myself today
What would bring me happiness
What needs to change
A new boyfriend?
A new haircut?
A tattoo?
A move?
Go out?
Food?
Plans?
Work?

And none of it
None of it really saves me today.

The end of an era
I know thats all it is
3 months has come and gone
Here's to many more
I don't know what will bring me happiness today
I feel so

Scr..and just like that
As I'm mid my own pity party
You call.

A fire emoji next to your name
Your words broken and bent like pieces of forgotten glass
I was right when I told my best friend today
"We are both just going through it"
Your family, your job
You told me of death and obligation
My words longing to be smooth and consoling
I found myself so quickly and in such a
Change
"Its okay babe. I'm so sorry."
I'm here for you always
And I really meant it.

You cried on the phone
My sweet Beautiful Innovator
Mentor
Dear Friend
Artist
We could fall in love
But for now
I'm here for you.
And you me.