waking up is hard
it's the hardest thing I do
I hate waking up
almost as much as I hate myself

if I were happy kr wouldn't be so hard
if I could face myself it wouldn't hurt so bad

do you ever wonder what it's like to hate every single part of your being?
well I don't have to wonder
I know what it's like

and it's ******* hell

my words are punches to my gut
my thoughts slice my skin
the images in my mind burn holes in my flesh
I cannot breathe

I'm sobbing I'm inconsolable
don't ******* tell me I look pretty
don't ******* tell me I look hot

how could I ever believe your words when mine are telling me different
I find comfort in them, they are constant
does that make me insane?

I don't love myself
and I know they tell me I should

"how can anyone love you if you don't love yourself?"
how the **** am I supposed to know?
i am and endless flow of love towards others but why is it so hard for me to love me

maybe it's because I'm suicidal
maybe it's because I'm images are forever tainted by the fire I have stumbled through
my finger tips are singed and my hair smells like your ******* cigarette smoke

I want to die

every second of every day i would rather be dead

I'm laughing

but I mean it

I'd rather hurt than anyone else, but there's so much hurt in me I can hardly stand anymore

I want to smash my ******* skull into a wall

I want to let my bones shatter and my body go limp

I am submissive anyways

I ******* **** anyways

I don't want your ******* pity or your ******* "no don't say that!!!"
*******

you don't know what it's like to be me

it's a ******* nightmare

try waking up and being SO UPSET that you are who you are

I have to force myself to leave my home

I am at war
a constant battle with seemingly no end

I am tired
how much longer must I fight?

my fingers are slipping my hands are tired my arms are numb

I'm falling now

do not catch me

I want to hit the ******* ground