they all wanted me to start playing.
i've seen so many peoples' fingers dance with such fire
across the keys. it's inspiring.
and my teacher said
i have good form for it, and good posture.
learning to read sheet music was easy,
and notes and rests and tone was somewhat harder
but still, just kids' stuff.

i couldn't make my fingers dance, though.
they tapped out rhythms and melodies,
but never flowed together as one,
never made into an art.
they still can't. and after years and years
of lessons and practice, i just gave up.

maybe it was strength on my part
to recognize when i wasn't getting anywhere
or maybe it was weakness to dismiss it
when it began to get difficult.
either way my mum always said,
"when you're older
you're going to wish you'd learned to play better."
seriously?
if i'm ever eighty-eight, sitting in a chair somewhere,
thinking, ****, i really wish i'd learned to play that piano better,
i will have completely lost my mind
to honestly wish my younger self
bound to something so utterly passionless.