until death tears us apart

everything I do hurts you, my happiness stresses you out my energi smother yours, highlights your loss of it the same way the kind gestures show me your weariness I am well and you aren't I would take it all in a nano second but I can’t I’ve tried but I can’t I play tired and I play sick I’ve tried to show that we’re the same but i know it doesn’t make you less sick not a single bit all I can do is to grow and try to hold your hand even if you’re left behind and all this, all this until death will tear us apart. I can feel the normality sending a friend request to death I can feel time accepting it I start to recognize the blended soft colors and the feeling of life coming and going just hoping it isn’t in my hand. I am turning into someone else I say I’m happy because I know it matters We have one thing in common here we don’t complain because the nurses teach us that’s what kills us in the end I try to stand up outside all of it I try to feel like anything else matters but it doesn’t I’m scared my happiness somewhere else takes away the happiness we have until death tears us apart I take the buss back home I leave you behind I fake my way up to sit at the top so that I can see I have a photo of you on my phone to remember just in case you would go away It’s a new feeling a mix between everything and nothing I write it down because I can’t loose these seconds just in case you would go away It makes life feel so important It makes everything else feel stupid. It makes you stronger It makes everything heavy and all you can is hope, hope that it’s not until death tears us apart There’s a pregnant woman who wants my seat I let her have it I go all the way back I pass one with a burn mark on his face I wonder how many tears have happened the last ten minutes on this buss I wonder how they take it I don’t know how I take it I know the barr is lower here the scary part isn’t getting sick here it’s dying and in that case I know I’m the lucky one Until death happens to me and I feel happiness knowing I’m the lucky one I can be light flying over a bridge while everybody else takes the buss until your death will tear me apart.

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Written by

emil-hernried

23 / Non-binary

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