Apr 2016
My special talent is courage.
I know it maybe doesn't seem it. I know I sit small. I know talk soft. But courage is my special, special talent. I go for what I want. And sometimes I forget how rare that is. Sometimes I forget that people lay it all on the stage, but not on the table. I wear my scars in art all along my arms not to remind me that I have been hurt but to remind me that I fought for something. Something real. Something worth risking this for.
I live hard. I love hard. I risk, hard. And because of that I go to bed every night knowing that if there is something I want, I mean something I ache for with my whole heart and all the dark parts of my soul, if there is something I crave and I don't have it, I can sleep knowing I have done absolutely everything I can about it.
When I fail, I fail so spectacularly that you could write a play about it. And people would clap. When I fall I hit bottom so hard the echoes could level a city. And I love every moment. Because we aren't here to leave this life unscathed. I have broken so beautifully and so completely that now I am free. Little parts of me have scattered into all the corners of the places I've cried in, and now I find I CAN cry. I can breathe. I can love someone hard enough to run after them down the street, look them in the eyes, and tell them I'll love them until the day I die, even when I know they will turn around and walk away. I carry this beautiful, wild, mad devotion to my heart within me, and it is so dangerous, but it is so worth it. Whether I win or lose, it is so... worth it.
Life will ******* up, and kick you down, and bleed you until you think you have nothing left. But you don't. You only have nothing left if you decide you do. I have every ugly, exquisite moment I ever loved or lost and they fill me with pride. Because, you know, I did something about every, single, one of them. Never have I sat in silence and let my life lead me. Never have I given up and walked away from someone or something that made me feel even a little bit. And I never, ever will. Because I know why I'm here, and it's that.
And because every time I remember how truly, madly brave I am no matter the consequences, I feel nothing but joy.
I know it maybe doesn't seem it. I know I sit small. I know talk soft. But courage is my special, special talent. I go for what I want. And sometimes I forget how rare that is. Sometimes I forget that people lay it all on the stage, but not on the table. I wear my scars in art all along my arms not to remind me that I have been hurt but to remind me that I fought for something. Something real. Something worth risking this for.
I live hard. I love hard. I risk, hard. And because of that I go to bed every night knowing that if there is something I want, I mean something I ache for with my whole heart and all the dark parts of my soul, if there is something I crave and I don't have it, I can sleep knowing I have done absolutely everything I can about it.
When I fail, I fail so spectacularly that you could write a play about it. And people would clap. When I fall I hit bottom so hard the echoes could level a city. And I love every moment. Because we aren't here to leave this life unscathed. I have broken so beautifully and so completely that now I am free. Little parts of me have scattered into all the corners of the places I've cried in, and now I find I CAN cry. I can breathe. I can love someone hard enough to run after them down the street, look them in the eyes, and tell them I'll love them until the day I die, even when I know they will turn around and walk away. I carry this beautiful, wild, mad devotion to my heart within me, and it is so dangerous, but it is so worth it. Whether I win or lose, it is so... worth it.
Life will ******* up, and kick you down, and bleed you until you think you have nothing left. But you don't. You only have nothing left if you decide you do. I have every ugly, exquisite moment I ever loved or lost and they fill me with pride. Because, you know, I did something about every, single, one of them. Never have I sat in silence and let my life lead me. Never have I given up and walked away from someone or something that made me feel even a little bit. And I never, ever will. Because I know why I'm here, and it's that.
And because every time I remember how truly, madly brave I am no matter the consequences, I feel nothing but joy.
