I had two lizards.
Their names were E's and Whizz after the Pulp song, which was apparently about drugs.
Lizards aren't like drugs.
They're just different.
You can't take a lizard to get high.
You could try it with the right kind of frog but licking a lizard just makes you look weird.
Plus if you tried to swallow one, it would get stuck in your throat.
Lizards don't like that.
Plus you'd get done for animal cruelty.
It's ok though, you'd have the excuse that you were smacked off your t**s on Lizard.
I looked after them,
But they kind of melted.
This was real,
Not drugs.
I hadn't tried drugs.
I hadn't licked a lizard.
Lizards aren't like drugs anyway,
but we've already covered that,
it's a bad analogy.
It was horrid watching them,
Think I over heated the tank.
I think it's kind of an analogy for life.
You can spend your life buying all the right food
Keeping the temperature just right.
But never enjoy your lizard  
Too busy thinking about food and heat.
Or you can just get on with things.
Enjoy your lizards,
crank up the heat  
see what happens.
I think life's better like that.
Not for lizards though.
Mine melted.
You've got to keep their temperature right.
It was a bad analogy.  

I'm still single if anyone's interested?