“do cats understand time?”
i ask my cat
scratching under her chin
“or do you just move
between food and sleeping?”
“it’s been a year since honey bear died”
“do you miss her too?”

my cat gave no answer
not even a purr
but her eyes looked sad
and then i remembered that
after honey bear died
she would lay right where
the dog’s bed used to be
as if she were keeping watch

i still find dog hair
on some of my clothes
and the whole back seat
of my stepdad’s truck
is blanketed in her fur
it still smells like her

so does the closet
out in the livingroom
where her bed used to be
and sometimes
i still think i can hear
her toenails on the floor
her little huffing breath
and i miss her so much

i have had dreams
where i go to the back door
and call her name
over and over
leaning out of the doorway
and into the dark night
but she never comes
she never comes
and i wait
calling her name over and over
but she never comes

it’s been exactly one year
since she passed
a whole **** year
and it doesn’t feel anywhere
near that long
it feels like yesterday

my chest hurts
my heart aches
i feel hollow
i miss my girl so much
but
i know she is no longer in pain
she can see
and run without her hips hurting
there are no more needles
no more vet visits
but i miss her so

i love her
i love her
i lover her