I wish I could say I have moved on from my past, that it doesn't keep me up at night anymore or that I forgot your name and the way you made me feel. I would love to wake up one day and not have to think about the spark that shined in your eyes guiding me through the eternal darkness I see when I'm alone. You told me you wanted to be the one who proved to me not all women are the same, not all of them will promise you things before disappearing making me question if they were ever honestly there to begin with. You were the one I spent my life looking for. For the first time possibly ever in my life I was willing to give all of me for something I cared about. You helped pick me up, gather the pieces of my heart off the ground and slowly put them back together. Said you would hold it for me, protect it with your all so it would never end up that way again. You brought out feelings and motivations in me that for many years laid dormant. I could never find a way to make myself give my all in the way you did in a matter of moments. You inspired me to become better, live my life in a way that for once was going to make me a man I could be proud to be. Get myself together, look towards the future, bigger, brighter plans that for once didn't just include myself with my misery. The biggest difference between you and all those girls in my past though is at least they decided to leave my heart laying on the ground. Broken, yes, but fixable. It may have taken years sometimes but I always managed to find the way to fix myself. You though, you took the whole **** thing with you. Left me with nothing but the feeling of complete emptiness in my chest. I have sank to a point I am not used to. Being left alone with my thoughts and demons now more than ever is tearing me apart. My days of being able to say no to drinking seem so far behind me, now all I can do is count down the time until I can try to drown my memories. Hope that maybe that next bottle will be the one that wipes my head clean of you. It's only a matter of time until I grow unable to cope anymore and throw the bottle to my head pulling the trigger one last time. Just know in those last few moments you will be the only thing I think of, not that you will ever think of me again.