i want to start living but more than that i want to stop breathing i want to forget and move on and not be hindered by these weights but they told me anchors are supposed to be good things they told me that i will not be swept into the ocean but they never told me about the tsunamis that crush the foothold and drag you to the bottom and leave you there to die they did not tell me that i would want to be embraced by the earth that will inevitably cover my corpse when i have left my body because i am already dead and there is nothing more and i am done fighting i dont know how to swim any more i dont want to see the sky because the sun is not inviting when it burns my skin and the rain is cold but in the ocean everything is constant and i could use the silence