I dreamed last night
With half open, half closed
Moon eyes
That place we hibernate
But seldom go
In between the tippy toes of slumber
And a death like sleep
That the smallest naked white creature
Crawled and inched up onto my bed
Nestled its head into my chest
As I slept.

I remember in the clouds
Of visiting sleeping and dreaming
That I felt both love and hate
Fear and joy
I wanted to throw the thing off
But also realized with strangeness
That it meant well.

I guess in a lot of ways
That exact point seems to reverb all around me
As I dash, sprint past it and swing right into:

Arm in arm
We glide through the city of Chicago
The weekends are my time to frolic and play.

I get hugs and faces embrace me
Like I'm meant to stay
At least for now.

But there is something to it
There is something here
In the building, the fleshing
The sweating and carrying
That absolutely has me hooked.

Its been a tough time.
My eyes are so heavy, voice sounds just like
Boyhood, sickness has at last
Told me once again
To slow down.

So I did and I do
For a moment, just enough to recover
The weather reflecting my mood
And I start to think and ponder
And just know.
I don't even have to entertain it.

I can't wait until you don't even appear in my poetry anymore.

Soon.

It has been a time
As horse drawn carriages
Tied to dragons laying their eggs
Hatching ravenous fiery vixens
We challenge the world around us
I challenge the world around us
But not with hate.

At last,
I went to a bar in Chicago
I had been trying to go to since my 25th birthday
I lamented this in the cab on the way there
As the cab driver so charmingly commented: "You shoulda called me!"

I got ice cream this evening
By myself
Because I wanted to.

I left my cell phone in my bedroom
Because I wanted to.

I stood in line for a long time
Muddy weather blues got everyone in the mood
For bed. For Ice cream.
I watched the women and men working there
Working so hard with so little effort
The groups of people standing around
Deciding how many scoops of mint banana
Cherry chocolate covered fudge
Self love
They were gonna give themselves today.

My mind went back and forth about all my options
Trying to be cheaper, healthier
At long last
Flavors: Coffee. Chocolate.
Sprinkles.
Waffle cone.
Chocolate fudge on the side.

I ate and licked it up
Like I hadn't had *** in weeks.
True.

I brought home a stranger
Friday night, he was nice bought us all tacos
But there is just something about a connection
Thats gotta be there for me.

Beautiful Innovator and I bat our eye lashes
Table this conversation
What a beautiful black man.
"We are artist friends first"
Who knows.
Not me.
So aware of the connection, tension

Wolf Man licks his lips from afar
As I exclaim to all my women in the back seat of the uber
"He bettah get his **** togetha cuz I'm gonna end up his boss"
True.

I don't know.
I stood in line at the ice cream shop
And saw a flyer of The Flick by Annie Baker
I haven't done theatre since October
Since the closing night that you fell
Fell, fell on your face
Were too drunk to go out
Showed me post it notes on my wall
Proclaiming you would be a part of the rest of my life
You pulled me aside and told me how proud you were
"I don't think you will even have time to settle down. Your life is going to be everything you want it to be and more. You are too brilliant for your own good."
As if hearing those blurry words through the face of a ghost
They so quickly transformed into:    


Silence.
I give you my worst
Silence.
You were so wrong about the part you would play in my life.

Perhaps things will improve
But it won't be because I slaved away to make it better
I gave up on that almost 2 months ago
"He is doing what he is doing because he can't be alone and deal with the fact that he is still in love with you."

I ate all my ice cream.
I'm gonna watch V For Vendetta now
I got **** to do tomorrow.
And even though some of this hurts
And I think back to that rat
That warning

I opened my eyes
No rat to be found.