i am prescribed
to watch you
perfidious dying star
whose brilliant life
dilated my eyes
a drug of promise
a light on black water
i've been treading

and will tread
and will tread


already nova
you disintegrate
protracted
yet instantaneous
even as you sit so still
composed
while decomposing
impossibly looking
and not looking at me
your disappearance is blinding
and massive
a denied inevitability
that quietly explodes me
your nothingness
crashes over me in waves  

as I roll without direction beneath
        where the bottom used to be


silent violence made
in your wake perpetuates
unforeseen side effects
effectively you abandoning me
vacuum void my undone body
black hole collapse of gravity
such is your fall out all over me
infuriating stellar reliability

unequivocal follow through
really ******* good for you


watch how easy it is
for you to take me apart
with your words
see my soft pieces writhe
wet and mute on the floor
disassembled
by a sentence
betrayed by your mouth
only my thoughts remain
teeming aimlessly
toward what is gone
wanting to be known

knowing they are hopeless
             as cries underwater


tears on skin
evaporate instantly
you will forget
in as much time
their tiny sacrifices
hundreds of momentary lives
lived only in your name
hundreds of deaths for you
miniature castaways of me
crying a siren's song
sinking me further
because it is my nature to
give pieces of myself away
trying to become complete
until suddenly
i am gone entirely
wanting to take you with me

between the two of us someone
            is subconsciously a killer


sudden deep freeze self defense
disassociation disbelief
because of what I know
you know you mean to me
-and-
also there are rules
to you leaving me
you promise to never ever
be my friend
and assure me
i will never ever
see you again

                 subzero affect
forever treacherous end


this - is the part - when
i turn inside out
and self destruct in front of you
spectacularly
as you watch  --  help-less-ly
intentionally not saving me

because what you do for a living
                                    is killing me


i will tire of treading water
because everybody drifts away
i am so laden
and broken
built to drown
your goodbye
is the fullest
              a set up
to pull me down


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