It's all aligned in my head, my thoughts are clear I see the dirt and I see the green. I can talk I can explain me. I have value I have a dream.
People are fascinated by me, some discourage me some don't understand me some don't see my value, but some do. And I do.
I can speak I can form a thought I can express my sanity.
I can speak I am speaking but not everyone is meant to listen. Not everyone is meant to know me.
I have a guideline I have a system but it's a crisis management mentality.
I'm controlled by emergency I'm controlled by the need.
The need for me to be sane the need for me to form value the need for me to form an understanding.

But what happens when it's gone. What happens when I'm lost again. What happens when I can't explain. What happens when the light is dark and the darkness is my light and everything is slipping between my figures and I can't I don't want to be me.
I don't want to be in control I don't want to believe I make my destiny cause then I have done a shifty job and it's all because of me.
What happens when I know can have the ultimate lifestyle what happens when I know I can be the best and it all depends on me.
What happens when I know no one can truly help me but me, and I know that I can't help me.
What happens when I'm falling and no one is watching over me ?

I know now I was in that place I know now I can be better I know now I am going to fall again and I know now that I don't know.

It's crazy when you are the smartest person in the room and you feel like the dumbest I know now that I am not typical not even on the surface

I know now that I am a universe and I am not a garden to control and to maintain.
I know now that I am in a universe and not my own world I know now that I can't define what defines me.
I know now that I am in control when I am in control and that something is controlling me.