Promises aren't really promises
I lost more than the bottle did
And it kills me to know you chose alcohol over me
Even though I purposely make myself bleed
So I guess I'm a hypocrite
I can't put the knife down
I've inherited the urge for the bottle too
So I guess I'm spitting image of you
I light myself on fire just to keep others warm
I cause problems and jump head first into storms
The ones I love can't get through to me
We all sat in the living room crying trying to get through to you
Addiction is nasty business
It's left our family in pieces
I can't even look at you
The man who gave me life and my name
Would rather sit in a bar than go to my basketball games
The one who came home late and belligerent
Knocked over our tree and basically ruined Christmas
The man who said I wouldn't amount to anything because I was just like him
Now I'm sitting in my room alone with a pen
And I can't explain it
I want to reach out to you
But I know what I say won't change what you do
And it was so awkward on Easter
We acted like we didn't know each other
Every time I walked into a room you left like I wasn't welcomed or something
And you're my dad
You're supposed to be my hero
How am I supposed to grow up when all I've seen is violence and evil
And I know you've been through ****
Have guilt with losing your dad
And honestly we're headed down that same path
But I can't keep giving you a chance
Only to end up broken in half
Because you don't listen
You don't think you're in the wrong
But why would I push you away if everything was good and calm
I want you in my life but only if you stay strong
You went sober for over 100 days and I thought that our hell was gone
I thought God answered my prayers
But I don't really believe anymore
19 years of birthday wishes
I don't see Him anymore
And maybe prayers can't save you
Maybe tears can't save you
Maybe this is a battle that only you can face
I know you've been running this race for a long time
I would be tired too
But you have 3 kids that want to depend on you
Danny is only 14
This is not the world he should see
I want him to be a good man one day
How is he supposed to learn if you won't even stay
You run from everything including your family
Dad tell me what you need from me
I'll do anything to have to you in my life
I'll stay up all day and all night
I'll be a better person
I won't pick stupid little fights
**** I'll marry a man if it gives our relationship life
I wish I could say all of this to you
God only knows what I would do
So please dad put the bottle down
I don't know what you're searching for but I know you won't find it at the bottom of your favorite brand
There isn't more I can say that could make you change your ways
As much as it scares me these might be your final days
All your drinking buddies are dying
And why don't you see
That it's only a matter of time before the addiction takes you away from me
There isn't much else I can say
All my thoughts are on this page
If you do change
Let me know
I would like my dad to see me grow