I'm writing this now, at this present moment in time, on the fly.
A million thoughts rushing through my mind.
I had a plan to do things today, that obviously didn't get done.
I took my dog out and noticed the sun.
So I pulled my hood up, and when he was done I just came right back in.
I did, however, take notice to the passing of cars and my delusional mind just hoped that you'd be in one.
That you'd feel my presence dying.
I couldn't help but look down each time, because I spent the night crying and I don't like being noticed when my eyes are shining.
Rescue me.
The thoughts I have are drowning me.
I've got myself, and a throne I've built inside a castle of ******* thorns.
Keeping everyone that tries to get close held back by my bull horns.
My difficulties, and particularity.
My drinking problem that Im trying to acknowledge as an actual problem.
I have a diagnosis, a long one at that, but I don't like to be defined by it.
I don't like to let it hold me back.
I guess if all I have for myself is to say that hey, I'm breathing today, then that should make the day okay.
But today, I'm suffocating on my sadness.
Asphyxiating thoughts are keeping me from steady breaths and it's hard to just be.
I need some ******* sleep.
It's been two days of trying.
I don't like the feeling of flying.
Dozing off feeling like I'm free falling has hindered my eyes from staying shut.
It's taking a toll.
Enough is enough.
When will this weakness stop?
Why is there a line between need and want?
Ive never wanted anything more than for someone to just walk through my door.
Presence provokes persistence.
Pull through, keep pushing.