in the corner of my kitchen ceiling drapes
ribbons of  "happy birthday" in bright colorful letters and light yellow balloons.
the stench of two-day old laughter remains
long after I am too busy to clean it up.
19.
two decades passing me by already?
i ask myself as i lay on another recliner
in another house in another state on another year. instability never changed.
but this year, i am another person.
19.
i want to help the trees grow; i want to sing
to the flowers and heal the animals.
i want to develop a companionship with
every stone and gem and i want my friends
to listen when i weep for mother nature.
19.
i'd like to be better by the age 20.
i want my body to stop punishing me
for the horror i've put it through all my life
and i want it to instead be able to thank me
for restoring it and loving myself entirely.
19.
people cannot be changed, but influenced.
i've been influenced by being punished
for the horror i've forced my Earth to endure.
i've seen with my own eyes how little
anyone cares, and how little i've done to teach them.
19.
this will be my age of enlightenment
and my time to retreat from pop culture
as it has affected me once before
and I am highly susceptible to illness.
it is time to fulfill my purpose as a healer
in this world
19.