About every other phrase
Spoken or nonverbal, ticks and swims
Through the vessels and organs of my
Instrument, in poetic intricate manners

My Editor sat across from me tonight
She spoke such wise words, keep doing
Keep doing what you are doing
I crowd myself with self doubt
At my secret, private times
As new faces, I find new places
Echo praises of how I slay dragons
I tame beasts with a sword composed of fire and lace
Dancing with wolves with fangs like icepicks
In only almost 11 months.

I nod and say only what I must
At my day jobs, most of the time
I nod and enjoy being told what to do
I place my heavy weighty brain on autopilot
Dollar signs flashing through my eyes
Ignoring the ticking clock to make it swing and chime by faster
I haven't seen my parents since Christmas.

I should have called home today
But I record words that I twist into silly string
Cultivating new spaces, new faces
When I feel low, I remember how peacefully, beautifully
I waved goodbye like the most beautiful debutante
There ever was.

A phrase that has echoed throughout my mind
I hear it as if placed on repeat
You cried, your voice cracking
"What happened to my beautiful swan?"
As if I had lost myself, as if I had changed on you
As if I wasn't me anymore
And I think deeply, deeply on it all
I try to piece together what that meant
Or how you had to beat me to it
You stared up at your ceiling
And admitted that you chose
To cause me pain first
Just to beat me to the punch.

Where did your beautiful swan go?

The Wolf and I say little today
Ah. I'm fine with it.
As each day and hour passes
My eyes open in a new way.

So many women, so many gorgeous women
We define our existence, our worth
By whatever man is currently paying attention to us
And for once, for once
In my 25 years of existing
I don't know if its because of the empowerment around me
Or those who urge me to keep going
I find peace and solitude as bliss.

I thought for a moment to myself tonight
It would be so nice
To share a bottle of whiskey and my bedside

"He's out there"
"You deserve someone as badass and special as you"

Where did my beautiful swan go?
Where did my beautiful swan go?

She got more inked up.
She did drugs.
She explored the world.
She shook hands with an iron fist.
She ****** whoever she wanted.
She made beautiful, captivating art.

She, she, she.

She never went anywhere.



She just outgrew you.
Just like we all knew she would do.