My citron stone
Just fell with an iconic thump
To the ground as I performed my nightly routine.

The faces of eager, young, fierce women
Sit across from me, we fulfill and fill each other up
With what no man with the largest bouquet of red roses
Could ever give us.

Periwinkle tourist sweatshirt
I bought it because I knew it would be cute on the beach
This new summer of 2016
But mostly because I was cold.

I had a moment where I shopped for bathing suits
And it hit me like a distant dream
The first time I took off my clothes
Sand underneath my toes
I remember just the way you looked
How your body tensed and your face lit up
With such intrigue, desire
As you saw me from afar
I knew I was in deep trouble then.

We walked through the hot summer sun
I was drawn to your playful swagger.

But I remember lights and warning signs flashing
As you spoke of ex-girlfriends, ninja turtles
You couldn't calm down.

I was so quiet, even seemed shy then.

But I too, was intrigued
Intending only wet summer hot kisses
Because I could, I could
We got so lost in the cleansing quality
We hoped lemons and oranges
Could possess.

I wonder sometimes
If it deeply saddens you
That I reside so near
I know you feel my presence, energy
In the world around you
But you blockade it all
With your little hands
And *****, ***** teeth.

I would do anything
To take it all back.

I think and I say to myself.

But the universe is a funny little thing
You were so far away for 2 months
2 months for me to cultivate and grow
On my own
Its no wonder we had to force it
Your straw brim hat
We walked together on that beach
As if a ****** sea quilted under the stars
Between you and me.

It just was never gonna work
You wanted it with all your might
You made me want it too.

But I knew.

The best days and nights of my life
Never involved you.

I was in danger from that day forward on North Ave Beach
I avoid trespassing and words that would hurt
You hide my honesty like a bumble bee sting
Glass in your feet
You couldn't walk us home

Because you couldn't
"This is my first time dating a director"
You said, a kick in your step
And for a moment, you had me too
Convinced
But I knew
I knew.
I knew.

Images of ray ban sunglasses, orange tank tops
The need for me
I loved how we shared, how we talked
You wanted so badly
You needed so badly

But I was just too.

Resilient.