I used to wear my makeup to bed in hopes of waking up beautiful.
I used to dream of what my life would be like if I captured the glances of everyone in the room.
I still do.
At first glance, I see beauty, but after lingering just a second longer I can no longer find it.
It's as if my confidence has melted away to reveal the sad, scared little girl, too anxious to properly say her own name or correct others when they say it wrong.
The girl who was afraid to leave a memory in the mind of her peers for the fear that they'd reach into her and rip out her weaknesses.
The girl who shook off every boys' advances as she got older thinking they'd ruin her life that hadn't yet begun.
I speak quietly because I'm not sure I'd like to be heard.
I'm not sure my voice is even worthy of their attention.
I just wouldn't like anyone to know that sometimes when I'd wear my makeup to bed I wouldn't want to wake up at all.