Not quite peach
Or even really mauve
Laughter filling the tiny space
A room with the ability to bounce
Only my voice, my thoughts
No interruptions.

Oh Thank God, I think and feel
No knocking or voices
Or obligation to entertain
I clear my mind and still yet find myself
Toying and collaborating about work
Longing and praying
For dollar bills to someday soon
Flash through my eyeballs.

Surprised by the number
One of my composers said
If only, if only
Cash was a more tangible thing.

I listened to your podcast today
You mentioned and sighed about the attractiveness
Of famous women, ******
Only to then apologize, you didn't mean to be rude
An Always Sunny In Philadelphia reference
As if you thought, might think, could breathe
That my ears might point and flicker
Listening, but only for a moment.

The email I sent you made our best friend cry
She sat on the futon last night
Tears welling in her eyes
She was proud of how kind
My lingering and poetic words
Rang true.

I don't miss you
It surprises me.

I cried some pitiful tears on the bus tonight
Disappointment at the lack or
Rather--preparation for no future
The need to express and/or
Warn
The need to avoid responsibility
But you said you too, believe in love
As I tried to paint eloquently in my blue colored text
But only blue from my end
That perhaps this isn't the right time
But I need, I want, I long
For all of it.
Real, sustainable, I love you so much it makes me sick
Love.

A two way street
The disappointment at your hesitance, your bullet point
Made me retreat
Are as you said, "I hope it doesn't avert you"

Casual fun.
Casual fun
I'm not angry, I'm not hurt
But I don't know that my heart will continue to leap
When you text message
Or snap chat me.

I started to turn the other way
And I do in slight little turns
Placing my shield right back up
Over my heart.

As cards inked in red and black
Swim and flash past
Breathing and conceiving
Indicating, growing
Continue your route. Continue your own route.

I poured water all over the floor
From my ice bucket
I felt like my father filling it up
Just like he always does on vacation.

Time for a deep, deep
Restful, reviving
Sleep.