Everything is not okay
She doesn't want to be with me anymore
She's not ready for commitment
Even though she was the one pushing for a relationship
I cut for the first time in over a year
I got wasted and was going to end it all
And the worst part is I would still do anything for her
I'm avoiding people
I can't sleep and I haven't eaten in three days
I'll be leaving for Texas soon and she will be there
How could I give my heart away like that
She is seeing someone else
That was fast
I'm drinking more and more
I'm taking box cutters from my project to fuel my addiction
And yet we talk every day
I can't keep myself away from her
She draws me in
I don't think I can live this life anymore
I've come so close and yet I'm still so far
At first I had all this time right in front of me
Now I have a few more weeks with the people who are my family
I'm drinking almost every day now
Any time I can get my hands on alcohol it floods into my system and brings trouble
People are worried
They have never seen me like this and I haven't either
I want to numb my pain
We are back in Denver with two weeks left
I get my alcohol from a store down the street from where we are staying
I just gave my friend the only box cutter I had
We are all watching an ultimate frisbee tournament
I sneak away to find a blade
I walk to three different stores until I can find one
I've hit a new low
We are at the airport
We are all dressed in the same uniform
With bags in our hands and tears in our eyes
No one thought it would be this difficult
I watch my best friend and soulmate walk down the stairs and through security
I fall back into the wall and cry
I'm now back home
It is empty with no life
I sit on the floor of my kitchen at 1a.m. and wonder how it all happened so fast....