I.

on december thirty first
two thousand and fifteen
at nine thirty two in the morning
I stopped breathing

the devil dug his cold claws
through the tender skin
of my abdomen and he wrenched

he looked me in the eyes
and he smiled
and I died
at least I wished I had

so many nights
your name floated through my mind
and I couldn’t find why

but on new years eve
two thousand fifteen
everything suddenly
made sense to me

call connor
if only to say goodbye
tell the boy you’re thankful for his time

II.

we talked about you
for all of january
about your smile and your pictures
and I was fifteen again

fifteen and sitting across
a big green table
drinking a yoohoo
and looking at you

and wondering if your lips
were as soft as your hands
and if I’d ever get to know
yours like the back of mine

i’m nineteen again

nineteen and standing across
a room full of people
holding myself together
and looking at you

and wondering if
after all of this
your hands were still
as soft as I remembered