My chicken on the vegetable plate I just prepared is getting cold
I write with no music
One of the longest yet
I warned you.
Regardless of where or how you lay your head
I know. You know. We
No, no we.
You were never my we.
This past week, moments involving right now, my path
They all shook my hand, pulled me aside
To tell me that I'm headed in the right direction
That I'm the kind of person they are looking for
Went so far as to say I'm a genius, a revelation
But you had to be the first to tell me you said so
In all those other synonyms.

I think, I was right in my instinct today
My instinct of showing up, face to face
You wouldn't have dealt with it
Any other way, telephone syndrome
Little boy, lost little boy
Syndrome.

I shredded up your note, dumped out all the red wine
You love to give and take away, all of the time
Your mouth twitched tonight
You stared and looked at me
As if you may never see me again
"Your eyes look tired today"
But I looked cool, you said
I scrounged around on hot coffee and deviled eggs
I sat at the table for about 4 hours
I look back now, I made so much progress
Anxiously waiting for you to come downstairs
You couldn't even stop by to say hello
You told me I could come outside if I wanted.

We rode on the train
I stopped you a couple of times in the freezing street
Thinking maybe, weakness and your love
Filling and driving your face
But you had stayed up late in the night
Drank too much
After you stopped answering me
Told your best friend, who kissed me on the lips
Which now seems like centuries ago
And decided once again
Decided once again
Decided once again
LOOP LOOP LOOP
LOOP LOOP LOOP
LOOP LOOP LOOP
Dear God, Layne Marie
He told me he was so sorry "Layne"
On the train.
My name is *******
Layne Marie.

Can that just be it?
Can we really just be done now?
Little green jacket, your chest hair peeking out
You looked at me as if I was gone forever
"And then the swan flew away"
You said you would tell your children someday
I'm a fable, I'm a tale
And thats all I will ever really be to you.

I removed myself from the group
I cut ties like syringes filled with *******
It wasn't enough that you held my face
That one night in February.

You stopped commenting on my poetry
No matter how hard I tried, no matter how MUCH
I stapled or repainted my face, or us
I never saw another poetic thought out of you.

I knew I had to go
I knew I had to be through
As I called you on the phone one last time
And you had trained yourself to sound so removed
Another woman from your past, you intend to be around
Tonight, something may happen, something may not
You called me two days ago to reassure me
To reassure me
To reassure me
LOOP LOOP LOOP
Stuck in reverse
Stuck in reverse
Stuck in reverse.

I didn't have anything sharp enough
So I scratched myself good with some tweezers today
Before my little interview which of course went so well
Before sitting and waiting for death
For the death of us
For the death of us.

Long overdue
Me flying, and flying away
Was so long overdue
I've been here, and I've been here
And I've begged you to really see me
Your eyes looked so sad on the train
But your voice convinced us both
To walk away.

I got off the train
I didn't look back at you until right before I walked through the doors
You tried to look pleasant
Like this wasn't the end of the end
I know exactly what my face looked like
Old Hollywood sorrow mixed with swan freedom.

My mother says we will look back and laugh at this
At you and how I lost myself in the storm of newness
But I wish you all goodness
But dear Zak,
My God, I was and am Captain Hook
Thats never going to change
As I step off the train
You remain, a swan tattooed to your ankle
To remember the most romantic love of YOUR
Life.
Loop. Loop. Loop.
3 times the charm.


She flew the coop
And with fury and drive
Went her own way.