I conflicted you,
confused you,

I never meant to
but you see baby

I'm defective from past
and
present abuse

misused,
mistreatment,
misdeeds,
misconceptions

recreated into what you
see
before you,

an
explosive mindless mess.

I should of got help

before
letting you in...
Should of
fixed me before
we began

but
you see papi

I didn't want to,
because
it'd mean
letting you go
for another to ****** up.

Ooh no
I could never have that,
so
I hide my pain-

until we fought and I blamed you
when it was never even your fault,

I tried to drown you in my anguish,

causing you
to become a beast instead of man!

took away your self-esteem
making you into what I believed

I wanted,

believed
I needed-  
to become a better me.

See papi

I thought if you did all
I asked and laid in my bed-

things from my past would cease to exist.

I thought once we became as one
you'd pick up the burden of

my broke heart mend me
and
fix what once was lost,

help me to become better even
thou
I never knew what was yet best
for me...

I let you in,
when
I was wounded
and
while war was raging in my head...

All
I needed was you
in my bed-
inside of me
pumping nothing but deceit
as we consummated
a lie,
a dream,
unrealistic fantasies
and
things that could never be
but still
I held on turning

you into -
what others have turned me to
too.

Letting you
think your the only one
when
I had him them and those three.

I could never love you
because at the end of the day
I barely *******

loved myself!
Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®