i can not hurt you
and help you too
these are two things
impossible to do
together simultaneously
because of the way you feel about me

you shud hate me now
for stealing from you
for doing what a thief wud do
for lying the way a liar lies too
for not doing what i promised i wud
for not being as strong as i cud
for taking your heart out from your chest
for doing my worst when i am at my best
for getting past your big thick wall
only to prove you dont know me at all

i can create pain without you knowing
hurt you
with a smile showing
you sed you saw this betrayal coming
then why didnt you set off  the **** running
straight away from inevitability
to get the hell away from me

are you like me after all
a *******, do you like to fall
just too feel the screaming pain
just to watch the blood again
is that why you let me do this to you
so you cud feel something new
anguish is such a novelty
when you pretend to think you’re so happy
but i dont think you like the pain
not the way i like the pain
you dont want to make it hurt
you want to escape it first
before it leaves a lasting mark
i for one, i love my scars
cut me all up and down
bring the pain all around
numb me out i wanna drown
open vein blood rush sound
i indulge in being
more lost than found
by the end of this page i will be
gone
completely
totally
maybe by then
you will know me
better than you thot you did
know i still dont know
and i didnt mean to be bad
know i was just an ideal
that you never really had
know that i am a traitor
know that i am weak
know that you are not my savior
know that i am a freak
know that i want
everything thats bad for me
know that i flaunt
my life’s tragedy
just for a little connection
a little negative attention
i am not the good girl
you wud have in your suspension
of disbelief
i am a cheat
i am deplored
and you do not want to know me
not anymore