I often find myself sitting vacantly waiting for something to happen.
The sun explodes,
We die,
The world ends.
It happens even more on days like today;
The sky is grey
The snow is melting only to almost instantaneously freeze into ice
And I'm inside,
Laying on the couch in the billiards room,
Attempting to take in some form of natural light.
I'm lost in the sea of my thoughts
And much like scooping water with my hands
I'm unable to hold on to the thoughts of my stressors long enough to work through them.
I've been listening to less and less music
Yet
I still wear my headphones so people won't bother me.
I'm giving up on "living" for now
And
Focusing on feeling alive.
I haven't skated, comfortably, in months
Run for even longer.
I've been drinking more and more trying to escape from my stress filled days.
I'm turning on the vacancy sign in my body.
So that a demon can posses it and run my life into the ground for me,
Because I no longer want to exist any longer.