I think about dying more often than I think about a future
And honestly it's really now or never
I know there are a lot of people that I can't leave
But lately I can't even breathe
So I try to push the thoughts away
Write down all the things I find hard to say
I need to make it through one more day
Otherwise it will be too late
Don't take this the wrong way
But I find it hard for people to relate
If I could just escape

She holds me firmly to the ground
Honestly I would be lost if she wasn't around
I can tell in her voice that she's concerned
So all I try to do is calm her down with my words
I don't want her thinking that I'll leave it all
But it's really only a matter of time before I fall
No one knows what's going on inside
It's crippling my bones how much I want to die
But then I picture her with tears in her eyes
I couldn't leave her the way I got left behind

My head is filled with moving pictures
All that end with same scene
I'm not even safe in my own dreams
I find it hard to care
Everyone around me is unaware
I just want my time to be over
No more steps forward
Only ones bringing me closer to my resting place
I don't want people to see me face to face
They will notice my unstable state

Life is no joke
I stopped laughing when love came around a 2nd time only to leave me stranded
My past has the upper hand and I don't even want to fight it off
I'm too damaged from the last war
My childhood still leaves me sore

So please, if you see me don't address the situation
I'm tired
If you get an invitation to my funeral I'm sorry
You were loved