I.
it's black and white it's up and down its either or its back and forth

II.
its, no, I'm okay with that, no, I'll scream if you do that, no, that part I like, no, not there, not that direction and it's, too much

III.
it's easier to say no to all than to give everyone your story
when you tell them where the land mines are,
when you tell them where they can't go
and what they can't say
they will want to know why
and why is it okay to do this and not that?
why is it okay if you're in control but too tight a grip on your leg and you'll fall apart?
why is it such a fine line?

IV.
and you have no way to tell them that the line tends to deviate, that some days you have felt safe enough in your body even enough to think that maybe you don't have to be alone but most days you feel so alone in your body and it feels so familiarly sick that you can't even begin to comprehend where it is okay to be touched and what is okay to say and it is easier to say

V.
no

VI.
why wasn't it that easy the first time around?