I can only swallow so many pills
until I begin to choke

my life can no longer be dictated around
eight hundred milligrams of motrin
one tablet of carbamazepine
a few muscle relaxers
who’s really counting anymore?

the pain can only get so much worse
before I drop and never get up

this fire in my cheeks, teeth, temples
MRI scan comes up blank
just my blank brain in my tormented body
unexplained agony
unexplained kicking and screaming into the night

friends complain about period cramps
i would trade my pain for ten years of those

can’t eat, tired all the time
this is not depression I suffer from
but side effects from various medications
that enter my body in periods of six
and haunt my bedside table
as if watching me as I sleep

I want to feel better
I want to feel better
I want to feel better.