Why do I take that first sip?
Because after that, well it's all over,
it's just a blur of colors,
and empty laughs,
and bad dance moves.

So why do I even start?
I go in knowing exactly what to expect,
I know,
I'm not that **** naive.

And it all seems fun,
on this superficial,
drunken,
level.
Until, I have to ***.
And I don't want to go all alone,
by myself.

At this point, all modesty is out the window anyway,
so if someone comes along,
I don't have to face the reality of what I've done,
what I've become.
But if not,
then it comes down,
hard,
it hits me in the face and
I just feel stunned.

I just want to be done peeing!
But we all know that drunken bathroom runs
take the longest...
And it all comes at once,
the guilt, shame, resentment, anger, sadness, a want to stop and change, but even after all of this,
When I get an invitation,
I just can't say,
No.