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Feb 2016
I'm sorry but my brain wont stop drumming, I don’t want it to happen, I don’t want it to end your balloon is on my screen and I don't want you gone. Ive let it get unhealthy. I have another part but your balloon won't leave my screen.
It's racing and drumming and the dam is breaking, my lungs are hollow. Don’t leave. You stop the pounding. Please leave you make me hollow. Kiss me. But it will ruin so much. I'm happy So right. Pieces found after so long. I never felt this torn. I hate myself for it.
I feel it again, the drumming wont stop. I'm spinning and its been so long. Was the dark just a phase or the light a mirage? My head is drumming and the band is catching on. The tempo's picking up and my brain is eating butterflies and hitting baseballs.
Nothing is wrong you don't want me there. You want her and the base starts to go, the colors are flashing now and the dark puddles are forming.
I hate you. I don’t undertand. Just leave me alone. I don’t want your handwriting on my paper. And the crowd is cheering too. The panic is in my bones and I want my mood ring to change. It's dark, sitting on navy and I need you gone. But he doesn’t want me there and you can't keep me safe. All I want is clarity. The drum solo is starting.
It's banging in my veins. This one's worse but I cant feel my feelings. I keep wanting for you to say you want me there. And I just want her to give me my paper back.
The drumming, the base, the crowd, the tempo increasing, and my veins are bursting. Just give me my paper back. I don’t want it to smell like you. I don’t want your handwriting
I miss my beautiful chaos. I was safe no drumming. She wanted me. He doesn’t and the balloon was never mine
I never felt my panic leave my hands. The graphite squiggle is almost drowning.
Holden. Catcher. Supposed to take notes but I cant stop if I do they will see the drumming. The crazy
And the balloon still has my paper. Chapter1 ******* I want it but I cant ask for it back. I don’t need your help,your pity. I need my chaos, my comfort. Student. Student. Bell. Ringing. Stop. The drumming. Give me my paper back. Mom text me. You understand. Make the drumming stop. Sarah. I need juniper. Bleeding myself dry. My, hand is the drum. The words wont stop and I need help
I need help
I need help
I need help
I need help
I need help
You're nothing, the drum beat is beating you down.
Categories
Vegetables
Fruit
Cars
Words
Wont stop and now it punching me. I don’t think I want you I want her and the balloon still has my paper.
******* too. 11:47
Feelings are ******* nothing and my honestly means ****.
dont curse. Youll spiral and I hate the drumming, not a beat, thumping punching chaos. 40 minutes of panic. Mud cares. I don’t need help. I hate you. I let you go, go away. I don’t want your pity
I love you
No one knows. Feelings ripping my skin im bleeding out. 5 minutes.stop.stop.stop.stop. I don’t want this, please the tempo is unnoticeable and my skull is cracking. Give me my paper
5th page? Crazy; still escaping. I have my paper back. I hate you. You ****** up. No I did. No ones fault. Lies we both know you blame me, its my fault. Take days. Run away
North Carolina. Always. Just called me. Drum is slowing. I still miss you foxing. You love me. I don’t know how to feel cause you ******* me over I ******* you over. I wish. I wish. I wish I wish. I wish.
To stop. Be there for me. Love me. Want me.
Want me, want me
So hard. Still craving the inevitable. Never wishing for unknown. Never surprises, and the lights dim.
Im sorry, im sorry, im sorry.
And the drum stops
It wont stop and im sorry. Im so sorry. I wish I was more I wish my head was less. You don’t want me there
Stop crying, breath, don’t think.
Stop. stop
Calista Holden
Written by
Calista Holden
760
     katie
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