Could it be?
Could it be that there is a chance for me in this world
To live the way I want?
Could someone I love
This much
Love me
As much
For the rest of our lives?
I always dismissed the idea
As a dream,
A fairytale,
Maybe something someone better, stronger,
Than me
Might have a chance at but never did I
Really think
Wow, I could have
What I want most dearly in the world.
I could spend my life with someone I love
Who loves me
And laugh and cry and raise our kids
And look at her every morning and night
When I wake and before I fall asleep.
Oh god please let it be that way,
Please give me all my days to memorize her.
I want to be able to close my eyes and know every detail of her
Every line in her face, every small, fleeting expression, every melody in her voice, every color in her hair,
Every dream in her eyes
Oh, may all of them come true
I
Can't
Pray enough,
I don't know how to ask for
Everything I've ever wanted
To stay.
I don't know how to say thank you
For even finding it at all.
For finding her.
But this feeling....
Oh, it fills my bones with light.
It is such an exquisite, excruciating longing.
Such a relief, so pure it holds every other emotion inside it.
I swear, this is what makes me human, I swear I am everyone in the world when I think of her- I have to be, to hold how much of me there is, how many feelings bloom in the core of me.
So many, so many that have no names. There are no words
To pray with
Maybe that
Is what I mean.
There is no possible way to say what loving this girl feels like
I can't make sense of it
I can't hold it
I can't even express it
I can only feel it
And marvel at it
And hold it like a candle against this dark, dark world
Because it is what I have
Always longed for.
This love.
This is what I cried for as a child,
This is what I was born missing
And I've found it.
And I don't know whose feet to fall at for that
I don't know if anything exists to receive such gratitude
But some days I can just feel it rising in me,
How can I ever love you enough?
How can I even explain...?
Certainly not
In this choppy, disjointed poem
Spilling my words all over the page as if maybe if I pile up enough of them they will merge to mean
Something anywhere near as vast
As what I feel for you;
How
Do I tell you that I know why I'm here
I finally know why I'm here

And it's you?