it's been a while since
you, who used to be
my best friend, my light,
have talked to me.

it's been a while since i've seen
your face close up.

your eyes retained the glow of before;
still as bright as before,
still so beautiful, filled with a sense
of tranquility and acceptance
that i still lack for myself

i think they grew even more beautiful over time

it's been so long since
i've heard you call me that name

"linsanity

it's been so long, chi,
it's been so long.

november twenty five
before the night ended
before the celebrations came to a halt
you came in

in the security of my room,
my phone vibrated

hey linsanity!
happy birthday!
god bless!

oh.
oh.
oh my god

every fiber in my being shook
an earthquake was happening inside

the lungs that now had
a different resident in them
began to grow wild plants
in distress and joy

hands that have gotten used
to another that weren't his
trembled in sheer panic
and emotion

it's been so long, chi.

i haven't said your nickname
in over two years
yet it still felt right
it still felt like
home
on my tongue

how could this be,
how could you come back
so suddenly, as if
you didn't hurt me?

you, who was my first love,
suddenly came in
like how fall comes in out of nowhere

surprising
something i rarely experience
not very needed
but
not unwanted

*i've been waiting