There are no Apaches With flaming arrows and piebald ponies There are no writhing jungles round here There are no lost temples Hiding untold treasures There are no damsels to be rescued By a knight on a white charger There are no pirates on the high seas No skull and crossbones flying Above a deck bristling and glistening With cutlasses and flintlocks ready And hook hands and black eye-patches In the sunlight of the Spanish Maine There are no interplanetary wars With hand-held laser guns And weird creatures from strange worlds They just do not exist I learned this when I was very very young And I really wanted to be a pirate