Easter Sunday. My mom dropped me off at my girlfriend’s house early that morning. A couple hours before church. I used the key under the mat and went inside. Ashton had said her parents would be gone that morning and to come wake her up when I got there. So, I went into her room and sat at the edge of the bed. I softly kissed her forehead and she slowly opened her eyes, smiling up at me.
“Hey, baby,” she said, rubbing her eyes.
“Let me brush my teeth real quick. I got dragon’s breath over here,” she said, covering her mouth and quickly walking to the bathroom.
“Geez. I can’t believe we’re finally ALONE! I can’t even remember the last time.”
“I think it was around Christmas or something,” I said, stretching out on the bed.
Ashton climbed on top of me, straddling me, for the first time in months. She pressed her mouth to mine, hard, breathing heavily and letting out a big sigh. We kept kissing and things really got heated quickly. I gently ran my tongue across her neck, expecting her to stop me, but she didn’t. Off came her shirt and she reached down into my pants, grabbing every inch of what I had. She bit her bottom lip hard and she had that hungry look in her eyes. Finally, she said, “Come on, put it in.”
“Come on, just do it. I need it.”
I knew where she was going and what the outcome would be. It happened every time.
“No. Cause then if we have ***, we’ll go to church later, and you’ll start feeling all ‘bad.’ Because it’s a sin and you think it’s wrong. Then during praise and worship time, you’ll fall to your knees and start crying and I’ll feel like an ******* and … no. I don’t wanna go through all that ****.”
In one quick motion, she unzipped my pants and flopped my ****. Looking up at me, she slowly, very slowly, took it into her mouth. Going up and down. I looked up to the ceiling, my jaw dropped. In the entire five months we had been dating, she had never gone down on me. Never. It was too much; she knew exactly what to do. So then I just put it in. Like she asked me too. And in five minutes, I rolled off and we just lay there, staring at the ceiling.
She propped herself up on her elbows. Smiling big.
“You okay?” I asked, recalling the last time we had ***, and how much she sobbed and cried afterwards. Dripping with spit and tears, all red-faced. She went on about sin and how it was wrong. Cause we weren’t married. I thought it was stupid. I was her boyfriend; after all, there was love there. How could that be bad? This time, on Easter Sunday, she was just smiling in the rays of the sun. Finally, no more Christian guilt on her face.
“I just love you is all.”
And then she kissed me. She got dressed and made breakfast for me. Then we woke up her little brother and sister. It felt like a normal day. I was a regular teenager, having *** with my girlfriend. I wasn’t some repressed celibate, Christian, kid. I felt good, I felt ******* alive. Gettin’ those teenage kicks while the gettin’ was good. But then. At church. Like a prophet from the Old Testament, I had predicted the future. It came time in the service when they did “praise and worship.” Singing songs to God, with their arms up in the air. I used to get all into that, but by this time, punk rock had its mighty hold over me. Every day I just thought about it more and more. Was religion just a mechanism of control? To keep the poor from eating the rich? It seemed like it. So when Ashton fell to her knees and stared cryin’, I just groaned and scowled. I wanted to have a good time, not get some guilt trip for following our natural impulses. A week later was prom. The Senior Prom. I expected it to be like the ******’ movies. Poofy dresses and heels up in the air. Ya’ know, backseats steamin’ up on lover’s lane, above the lights of our town. What did I get? Dropped off before ten o’clock. Right before that, at a park, I had tried to get her to take a walk with me, go somewhere dark and quiet. We were on the swings with her best-friend Jesse and her 'just as friends' date. They were talking about just going home and calling it a night. I began to panic, no, no, no, it couldn't end this way for me. Prom was supposed to be it. My wild night of teenage kicks and high school romance. So I tried to make it happen.
"Hey, let's go take a walk and talk a bit. We haven't really gotten much alone time tonight. Ya know?"
“Yeah, I know. But...if we left them alone...I think it would make Jesse uncomfortable. Her and James went just as friends, she doesn’t want him to get the wrong idea. But we can talk right here. ” She said, with that big, bubbly, smile. I rolled my eyes and played along. It was in that moment, that I had checked out. Yes, ma’am, that was the straw that broke the first love’s back. Had to let her go. God too. I haven’t spoken to him since.