I’ve been thinking a lot lately
I’ve been thinking about life
who I am
what I want to do
my passion
and my purpose

It’s all a bit overwhelming
I know I’m young and I shouldn’t have all this figured out yet
but not knowing bothers me
I need to have a plan
I need to know what I’m working for
and I don’t know
I have no idea

That terrifies me

I like to act like I have it all figured out when asked
but in reality I have no clue

I don’t even know who I am
Not really
I mean what defines who you are?
I know it’s not your name
or what you look like
so what is it?

The concept of “me” is so hard for me to wrap my mind around

It’s such a weird feeling
not knowing who you are
It makes you feel boring
like there’s not much to you

But I know there is so much more to me than I can see
I just need to climb deep into my mind and truly know myself
I just need to find ways to reveal parts of who I am

I need to do things I enjoy
find my passion
discover my talents
and use them for the benefit of others

That’s all I really want to do
Do things that make me happy
and help others in the process

But I feel as though my life is already so structured and time is so limited that I won’t have time to do the things I want to do
and the things others expect me to do

I go to high school
then college
and then I start my career
soon after get married and start a family

That all sounds great to me

But where does traveling fit into that plan?
Where do year long mission trips fit into that plan?
Where do summers spent in little towns on the coast doing nothing but enjoying this beautiful earth god has placed me on
fit into that plan?

How can I step out of my comfort zone and experience new things
if I’m stuck doing the same ole same ole?

If I could somehow fit all of this into my one lifetime
which I’m sure is possible
that would be fantastic

But I just feel like there isn’t enough time

I don’t want to spend my life going through the same stages as everyone else
I don’t want to be stuck at a job I hate
I don’t want to go through countless hours of lectures and studying

I want to go out and enjoy this big breath taking place the human race calls home
I want to meet new people
see new things
try new foods
and just embrace the awesomeness of this earth and everyone in it

I want to help people
find the less fortunate and make a change in their life
I want to bring light and hope to people who need it the most
I want to make this world a better place
I want to feel as though I can make a difference

After all, we only live once

Why would I spend my one life going through the motions that other people have established as “normal” and “successful”?

I am not other people
I am my own person
and even though I’m not completely sure who that is yet
I know my person wants to be different

And hopefully
by being different and doing a different thing
I can truly find myself along the way