I've been here a week and I knew that coming here-living alone-was going to be a difficult transition. It wasn't hard for me to leave my hometown. It was quite easy actually. I held a lot of weight there, yet I had no more ties to hold me there. It was my own weight. The place held such disappointing memories and people-and still does.

I do not regret coming here. I have applaud myself for the challenge. Learning to live alone was hard, but this is different. A place where no one knows me and I know nothing of where I am, just what google maps and where my adventurous feet take me. It's new. It's refreshing. It's intimidating.

It has only been a week but I have learned a lot about myself-and people that I left behind. Around the second day I started talking to myself-or screaming at the Xbox controller that keeps SHUTTING OFF WHENEVER IT WANTS. It feels nice not to constantly listen to your thoughts-but your words. I realized how clouded and shallow the majority of my thoughts are. I started saying all the things that really took up space in my head. Hearing the things that haunt you out loud is therapeutic. Writing those things down is relieving. Burning those things is powerful.

I left behind a history with people, people that were once so close to me, people I love and care about still. However it feels excellent now. I am a person here, not a body to look at and fantasize about, not a 'rebel' that didn't go to college,  and not 'Hannah' that you just read in a nasty little tone. I am a person that gets treated with respect from everyone, someone that everyone says hello to.

Though I am happy to be here-I still hurt. It comes in pangs. The dark thoughts that holds a deep place in peoples thoughts are easily brought up when you have no one around to distract you. I have never felt heavier than driving here. Almost as if I was anchored and was just ripping my body apart trying to leave. It wasn't hard, it just hurt. I got to my beautiful cabin and was welcomed with silence-the kind that pierces your ears. My childish cries broke that silence shortly after.
I haven't cried since. Yet, sadness hits me like a train sometimes. My stupid little brain. I feel my father is only contacting me to make sure I'm not dead. I feel the majority of my friends are not contacting me at all. How quickly forgotten. I feel ***** because the water is corrupted with iron that tints my tub orange-this almost made me cry (I get frustrated over small things).

Despite these obstacles, I feel like I'm bettering and growing stronger. I'm facing facts about myself and those I surround myself with. I am starting to lose my phone and not care, not many people can say that. I am growing roots in myself compared to all the things and people that made me feel comfortable and loved. I am slowly understanding how I am the only one that can truly do that. I am getting comfortable with this silence-its better than chaos.