I tell my sister
The reason I still hop in the shower
With you
Is to conserve water
she nods her head
and sips her coffee
she knows I am lying
But I will take no ones advice,
Not even my own.
though you are just a phone call away
i feel as if you are galaxies away when we speak.
i am supposed to be over you.
I make lists of reasons
I should no longer love you,
they sit in the journal you gave me
on my desk.
there are many reasons
I do not count them
there are videos of you
dancing in a black dress
with cherry lipstick in your bathroom
and
you're singing me love songs
on the phone.
i remain quiet.
I will buy a ticket
to the next train to Oregon
and let go of your hand.
I have cried to you
about missing home so much,
i thought when i said home
it meant your arms,
but i have discovered it is the place
i can smile
without you.