you get inebriated and scream at your walls to love you back
smashing bottle after bottle on the face in the mirror yelling "*******" and meaning "love me"
telling your pastor you're a ***** whose only price is someone who will listen
you'll take your clothes off for anyone who asks but hide from anything that makes you feel real
don't show them your crying eyes
don't tell them what you think about at night
just let them use you and it will all be okay
"it will all be okay"--
the words bounce around in your head like a pushpin in a balloon because what if it's never okay
stop--just keep going
just keep lying
smile, don’t frown, it will all be okay
maybe this time will make it okay
maybe this time will be different
maybe this one won't leave more holes in you than he can fill
maybe it will be okay
every man you meet becomes the next needle on your compass and you always end up lost
their eyes are your looking glass and their gaze captures everything you want to be
but crooked mirrors from crooked souls warp your view
and you wonder why your perception is skewed
distorting the things that they’ll never love thinking maybe it will be okay
maybe they'll stay
you're vulnerable on purpose
they know it and you don't care
you let them have you
all of you
soon there is nothing left
you drink to find yourself again
you get inebriated and scream at your walls to love you back.